lettres persanes

I was going to keep it serious, but this is SO GOOD, I just couldn't keep my hands off it. Whoever thought Ramadan was about fasting and being pious might want to re-think:

Khameini: Don't masturbate during Ramadan
Iran's supreme leader answers questions on masturbation and other topics on his website
Yaakov Lappin
Published: 10.04.06, 19:55 (on ynet)

Deliberate masturbation during the month of Ramadan renders a fast invalid, Iranian Supreme Leader Sayyid Ali Khameini has ruled.

Khameini, who is Iran's most powerful political and religious figure, was asked on his website :

"If somebody masturbates during the month of Ramadan but without any discharge, is his fasting invalidated?"

"If he do not intend masturbation and discharging semen and nothing is discharged, his fasting is correct even though he has done a harām (forbidden) act. But, if he intends masturbation or he knows that he usually discharges semen by this process and semen really comes out, it is a haram intentional breaking fasting," the Iranian leader said, posting the reply on his website:

Another reader asked: "Once in the holy month of Ramadan, I forgot to brush my teeth, and some tiny bits of food remained in my mouth. I swallowed the bits unintentionally. Do I have to perform the qada (repent) for that day's fast?"

"If you did not know that some bits of food remained between the teeth, or you did not know that they would reach the throat, and they were swallowed unknowingly and unintentionally, then you are not liable to make (repent) of the fast," said Khameini.

'Drink water while standing'
On the website, Khameini also tells Iranians that only jockeys are permitted to gamble on horse races.

He is also asked whether it is permissible for a man to marry a woman only in order to be able to live in his wife's country. "Can a man conclude a marriage contract for a year with a European girl after getting her agreement with the purpose of going to her country?" A reader asked.

"There is no problem in that if they are serious in contracting marriage and it is done with her father's permission if she is virgin," Khameini ruled.

The Iranian leader also told readers they were allowed "to drink water while standing" at night. It was "not permissible" to take part in meetings attended by both men and women, he told another reader.

"In Islam's view, rulers and governments exist just to serve people and carry out works in the interest of the public and this is what God demands us, as authorities, to fulfill," Khamenei was quoted Tuesday telling Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.


But the talkbacks are even better. Take the tour if you need a really good laugh.

Now, having sorted out the playful hand issue, what CAN man do if he gets the itch during the month-long Ramadan fast? Would a tiny bit of bestiality, [dealt with by Khomeini in his Little Green Book (of Horrors)] be considered haram?

"If one commits an act of sodomy with a cow, a ewe, or a camel, their urine and their excrements become impure, and even their milk may no longer be consumed. The animal must then be killed as quickly as possible and burned, and the price of it paid to its owner by him who sodomized it."

"The meat of horses, mules, or donkeys is not recommended. It is strictly forbidden if the animal was sodomized while alive by a man. In that case, the animal must be taken outside the city and sold." (Is then sodomizing a dead animal permitted?)

"It is forbidden to consume the excrement of animals or their nasal secretions. But if such are mixed in minute proportions into other foods their consumption is not forbidden." (Are those secret Persian cuisine ingredients?)

"If a man (God protect him from it!) fornicates with an animal and ejaculates, ablution is necessary."
"A man can have sex with sheep, cows and camels and so on. However, he should kill the animal after he has his orgasm. He should not sell the meat to the people in his own village; however, selling the meat to the next door village should be fine." (Never buy meat from someone who doesn't live in your village!)

How come animal rights activists are keeping a low profile on this one?

(The Little Green Book, Sayings of Ayatollah Khomeini, Political, Philosophical, Social and Religious, ISBN number 0-553-14032-9, page 47. )

(I wonder whether the French had any idea of what the naughty ayatollah was up to when they offered him asylum and helped him topple the Shah... ha ha ha!).